By: Steve Kroening
When my wife and I got married, we had a lot in common. But there was one area in which we were complete opposites. She lived for the future. I lived for today.
As a result, she had a nice savings account, a plan for her family (all the way down to meals and vacations), and a way to prioritize everything that came up, including expenditures. I, on the other hand, flew by the seat of my pants. If I saw something I wanted, I bought it. If I wanted to do something, I did it.
Obviously, my way of life wreaked havoc on hers. Over the years, though, she's convinced me of the need to plan ahead. I'm still not as good about it as she is. But it's made a huge difference in our relationship and our family.
One area we knew had to become more future oriented was our parenting. What were our goals? Where did we want our children to be when they reached 18? This included spiritual and emotional maturity, academic development, and other areas of growth. Our children are still young, so we're still working on many of these areas, but it did make us change some things about the way we parent.
For instance, discipline changed. Instead of expecting perfection now, we set our goals on having mature 18 year olds. This allowed us to work more with our children and to be more patient with them. We could take the time to sit and talk with them instead of trying to force them into a behavior. It also allowed us time to look at their hearts, not just their actions.
Of course, we still have to discipline for inappropriate actions they do today. But our discipline is directed toward a goal. Not just correcting behavior. When they fail to make progress, we have a way to evaluate where they are, why they aren't making progress, and it gives us some direction on how to move forward.
Being future-oriented in our parenting had other effects as well. We look at their eating habits to see how those habits will affect them 20 or 30 years down the road. We evaluate how they spend their time. Are they working enough? Playing too much? Being silly at the wrong times? And we're able to train them much more effectively for the future in these areas.
If you live for today with your children, realize it will have consequences down the road. And those consequences will ultimately show how much you loved your children when they were young. Do you love them for today only? Or do you love them for the future as well?
It's time to sit down and evaluate your actions and what consequences they will have down the road. Then ask yourself, "Will my training methods produce fruit in my children 30 years from now -- fruit that shows how wise or foolish I was in their childhood?" If you don't like the answer, it's time to make changes -- long-term changes.
Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com
Steve Kroening writes for Success magazine and also publishes Wisdom's Edge. You can get Biblical tips on health, finance, relationships, parenting, and success, delivered to your email inbox every week. Simply visit www.wisdomsedge.com and sign up for this free e-zine.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
14 Simple Rules for Raising Successful Children
By: Jamie Jefferson
Successful parenting means taking the time to understand what our children need to be fulfilled, confident, and happy. Of course, that’s no small task.
Here are 14 guiding principles:
1. First and foremost, recognize the true gravity of your task. Parenting successful, emotionally happy children involves a great deal of important, mindful work – and huge, sweeping swaths of time. The first step is to accept that fact – and to embrace the role of parent as one of the most important roles anyone has ever taken on.
2. Have a ball. Just because our task is immensely important, that doesn’t mean it can’t also be great, great fun. Life with a family is a magnificent adventure – not simply a hassle filled with laundry and dishes. Remind yourself of this as often as necessary. And when the daily work of parenting starts to feel like drudgery, it’s time to devote a day (or, at the very least, an afternoon) for intense family fun. Get some tickets to a ballgame and relax.
3. Spend a lot of time with your children. When you do so, children recognize that they are worth lavishing with time, praise, and attention.
4. Exhibit healthy, successful habits. If you want your kids to be healthy, fit, kind and compassionate, you‘ll need to live that way, too. Treat your mind, body, and soul with the utmost respect. Model caring, kindness, and compassion by working together (as a family) on a volunteer project a few hours a month.
5. Listen well. Strive to be honest, open, and attentive with your spouse and kids. When your children are speaking, get down on their level, ask questions, and really listen to their point of view. True listening does wonders for your children’s self esteem, and it helps them to grow into good listeners themselves. Minimize social contact with adults who are continually “shushing” the children.
6. Show your children that you are genuinely interested in them. Make sure to let them know – through your words and behavior – that you care about what they like to do, even if that’s altogether different from what the rest of the family enjoys. Get involved in activities that interest your child. Whatever it is, learn the lingo and sit down to learn from your child.
7. Try not to criticize, but work with your child on mistakes in a respectful way. Never criticize in front of other adults or children, including siblings. Work to understand their unique point of view. Taking the time to do so sends a message that you accept and trust their decisions and that their opinions are valuable and important.
8. Don’t label your kids – even when those labels sound harmless. Try not to tell your children that they are shy or overly dramatic or too sensitive. Respect the person whom they are and the adult they are becoming, while respecting all the stages they will grow through to get there.
9. Choose your battles very carefully, and allow natural consequences to teach the lessons themselves whenever possible.
10. Be accepting of your children’s friends. Encourage your children to invite their friends over.
11. Be enthusiastic. Make sure your face lights up when your children come near you.
12. Share family stories, whether through a family journal, a scrapbook, or by simply telling one another over and over again about the memories that you treasure. Read aloud at all ages and stages. Cuddle up under a blanket in the evenings to read silently, each with a different book. Ask your kids to make up stories and tell them aloud – or create illustrated books to share.
13. Treasure all the generations. Revere the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Show your children that family is something they can count on for their entire lives.
All this can be distilled into one simple rule: Never let the big picture fade from view. In other words, make sure you have identified your true goal as a parent and live from that frame of mind. For example: My only goal as a parent is to raise happy, kind children who trust themselves and who enjoy peace of mind. If, this week, they decide to eat Top Ramen every night for dinner and sometimes forget to put their shoes in the closet, so be it.
Enjoy the joyful journey of this tremendous task of parenting.
Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com
Jamie Jefferson is a frequent contributor to www.BestSelfHelp.com Read more parenting articles and visit today for free self-help resources
Successful parenting means taking the time to understand what our children need to be fulfilled, confident, and happy. Of course, that’s no small task.
Here are 14 guiding principles:
1. First and foremost, recognize the true gravity of your task. Parenting successful, emotionally happy children involves a great deal of important, mindful work – and huge, sweeping swaths of time. The first step is to accept that fact – and to embrace the role of parent as one of the most important roles anyone has ever taken on.
2. Have a ball. Just because our task is immensely important, that doesn’t mean it can’t also be great, great fun. Life with a family is a magnificent adventure – not simply a hassle filled with laundry and dishes. Remind yourself of this as often as necessary. And when the daily work of parenting starts to feel like drudgery, it’s time to devote a day (or, at the very least, an afternoon) for intense family fun. Get some tickets to a ballgame and relax.
3. Spend a lot of time with your children. When you do so, children recognize that they are worth lavishing with time, praise, and attention.
4. Exhibit healthy, successful habits. If you want your kids to be healthy, fit, kind and compassionate, you‘ll need to live that way, too. Treat your mind, body, and soul with the utmost respect. Model caring, kindness, and compassion by working together (as a family) on a volunteer project a few hours a month.
5. Listen well. Strive to be honest, open, and attentive with your spouse and kids. When your children are speaking, get down on their level, ask questions, and really listen to their point of view. True listening does wonders for your children’s self esteem, and it helps them to grow into good listeners themselves. Minimize social contact with adults who are continually “shushing” the children.
6. Show your children that you are genuinely interested in them. Make sure to let them know – through your words and behavior – that you care about what they like to do, even if that’s altogether different from what the rest of the family enjoys. Get involved in activities that interest your child. Whatever it is, learn the lingo and sit down to learn from your child.
7. Try not to criticize, but work with your child on mistakes in a respectful way. Never criticize in front of other adults or children, including siblings. Work to understand their unique point of view. Taking the time to do so sends a message that you accept and trust their decisions and that their opinions are valuable and important.
8. Don’t label your kids – even when those labels sound harmless. Try not to tell your children that they are shy or overly dramatic or too sensitive. Respect the person whom they are and the adult they are becoming, while respecting all the stages they will grow through to get there.
9. Choose your battles very carefully, and allow natural consequences to teach the lessons themselves whenever possible.
10. Be accepting of your children’s friends. Encourage your children to invite their friends over.
11. Be enthusiastic. Make sure your face lights up when your children come near you.
12. Share family stories, whether through a family journal, a scrapbook, or by simply telling one another over and over again about the memories that you treasure. Read aloud at all ages and stages. Cuddle up under a blanket in the evenings to read silently, each with a different book. Ask your kids to make up stories and tell them aloud – or create illustrated books to share.
13. Treasure all the generations. Revere the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Show your children that family is something they can count on for their entire lives.
All this can be distilled into one simple rule: Never let the big picture fade from view. In other words, make sure you have identified your true goal as a parent and live from that frame of mind. For example: My only goal as a parent is to raise happy, kind children who trust themselves and who enjoy peace of mind. If, this week, they decide to eat Top Ramen every night for dinner and sometimes forget to put their shoes in the closet, so be it.
Enjoy the joyful journey of this tremendous task of parenting.
Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com
Jamie Jefferson is a frequent contributor to www.BestSelfHelp.com Read more parenting articles and visit today for free self-help resources
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