Are You Parenting for Today or Tomorrow?

By: Steve Kroening

When my wife and I got married, we had a lot in common. But there was one area in which we were complete opposites. She lived for the future. I lived for today.

As a result, she had a nice savings account, a plan for her family (all the way down to meals and vacations), and a way to prioritize everything that came up, including expenditures. I, on the other hand, flew by the seat of my pants. If I saw something I wanted, I bought it. If I wanted to do something, I did it.

Obviously, my way of life wreaked havoc on hers. Over the years, though, she's convinced me of the need to plan ahead. I'm still not as good about it as she is. But it's made a huge difference in our relationship and our family.

One area we knew had to become more future oriented was our parenting. What were our goals? Where did we want our children to be when they reached 18? This included spiritual and emotional maturity, academic development, and other areas of growth. Our children are still young, so we're still working on many of these areas, but it did make us change some things about the way we parent.

For instance, discipline changed. Instead of expecting perfection now, we set our goals on having mature 18 year olds. This allowed us to work more with our children and to be more patient with them. We could take the time to sit and talk with them instead of trying to force them into a behavior. It also allowed us time to look at their hearts, not just their actions.

Of course, we still have to discipline for inappropriate actions they do today. But our discipline is directed toward a goal. Not just correcting behavior. When they fail to make progress, we have a way to evaluate where they are, why they aren't making progress, and it gives us some direction on how to move forward.

Being future-oriented in our parenting had other effects as well. We look at their eating habits to see how those habits will affect them 20 or 30 years down the road. We evaluate how they spend their time. Are they working enough? Playing too much? Being silly at the wrong times? And we're able to train them much more effectively for the future in these areas.

If you live for today with your children, realize it will have consequences down the road. And those consequences will ultimately show how much you loved your children when they were young. Do you love them for today only? Or do you love them for the future as well?

It's time to sit down and evaluate your actions and what consequences they will have down the road. Then ask yourself, "Will my training methods produce fruit in my children 30 years from now -- fruit that shows how wise or foolish I was in their childhood?" If you don't like the answer, it's time to make changes -- long-term changes.

Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com

Steve Kroening writes for Success magazine and also publishes Wisdom's Edge. You can get Biblical tips on health, finance, relationships, parenting, and success, delivered to your email inbox every week. Simply visit www.wisdomsedge.com and sign up for this free e-zine.

14 Simple Rules for Raising Successful Children

By: Jamie Jefferson

Successful parenting means taking the time to understand what our children need to be fulfilled, confident, and happy. Of course, that’s no small task.

Here are 14 guiding principles:

1. First and foremost, recognize the true gravity of your task. Parenting successful, emotionally happy children involves a great deal of important, mindful work – and huge, sweeping swaths of time. The first step is to accept that fact – and to embrace the role of parent as one of the most important roles anyone has ever taken on.

2. Have a ball. Just because our task is immensely important, that doesn’t mean it can’t also be great, great fun. Life with a family is a magnificent adventure – not simply a hassle filled with laundry and dishes. Remind yourself of this as often as necessary. And when the daily work of parenting starts to feel like drudgery, it’s time to devote a day (or, at the very least, an afternoon) for intense family fun. Get some tickets to a ballgame and relax.

3. Spend a lot of time with your children. When you do so, children recognize that they are worth lavishing with time, praise, and attention.

4. Exhibit healthy, successful habits. If you want your kids to be healthy, fit, kind and compassionate, you‘ll need to live that way, too. Treat your mind, body, and soul with the utmost respect. Model caring, kindness, and compassion by working together (as a family) on a volunteer project a few hours a month.

5. Listen well. Strive to be honest, open, and attentive with your spouse and kids. When your children are speaking, get down on their level, ask questions, and really listen to their point of view. True listening does wonders for your children’s self esteem, and it helps them to grow into good listeners themselves. Minimize social contact with adults who are continually “shushing” the children.

6. Show your children that you are genuinely interested in them. Make sure to let them know – through your words and behavior – that you care about what they like to do, even if that’s altogether different from what the rest of the family enjoys. Get involved in activities that interest your child. Whatever it is, learn the lingo and sit down to learn from your child.

7. Try not to criticize, but work with your child on mistakes in a respectful way. Never criticize in front of other adults or children, including siblings. Work to understand their unique point of view. Taking the time to do so sends a message that you accept and trust their decisions and that their opinions are valuable and important.

8. Don’t label your kids – even when those labels sound harmless. Try not to tell your children that they are shy or overly dramatic or too sensitive. Respect the person whom they are and the adult they are becoming, while respecting all the stages they will grow through to get there.

9. Choose your battles very carefully, and allow natural consequences to teach the lessons themselves whenever possible.

10. Be accepting of your children’s friends. Encourage your children to invite their friends over.

11. Be enthusiastic. Make sure your face lights up when your children come near you.

12. Share family stories, whether through a family journal, a scrapbook, or by simply telling one another over and over again about the memories that you treasure. Read aloud at all ages and stages. Cuddle up under a blanket in the evenings to read silently, each with a different book. Ask your kids to make up stories and tell them aloud – or create illustrated books to share.

13. Treasure all the generations. Revere the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Show your children that family is something they can count on for their entire lives.

All this can be distilled into one simple rule: Never let the big picture fade from view. In other words, make sure you have identified your true goal as a parent and live from that frame of mind. For example: My only goal as a parent is to raise happy, kind children who trust themselves and who enjoy peace of mind. If, this week, they decide to eat Top Ramen every night for dinner and sometimes forget to put their shoes in the closet, so be it.

Enjoy the joyful journey of this tremendous task of parenting.

Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com

Jamie Jefferson is a frequent contributor to www.BestSelfHelp.com Read more parenting articles and visit today for free self-help resources

Parenting - The Toughest Job You Will Ever Do

By: Joseph Then

Parenting is one of the toughest but at the same time can be the most rewarding job you will ever do.

It is easy to have kids but not quite so easy to bring them up right. Sometimes it seems like a thankless task, other times small things can make everything worth it.

However the most important thing about child rearing is the fact that your child's future is on the line. How well you handle this important job will affect your child's whole life.

Parenting begins from the day your child is born. How well you nurture and build a relationship with your baby will lay the foundations for your future success in child rearing.

Admittedly some children are harder than others to handle, but the important groundwork begins in infancy. It is very important to build a close loving relationship with your infant.

Even if you have to go to work at this critical period you can still build a loving relationship with your baby by spending as much time as you can with them when you are home.

As your child grows into the toddler years you will face new challenges with your parenting in regards to discipline and outside influences. However you will still need to continue to build your bond of love and respect for each other.

As your child explores the outside world, all sorts of questions arise and you will be competing with teachers and peer pressure for your child's attention.

It is very important at this age to keep communications open and maintain your confidence and mutual respect.

This is the age where your child will be observing their peers and other people and will often try to challenge your authority. Maintain your discipline but pick your battles and be prepared to compromise.

Always remember that deep down a happy child is one that knows there are limits and boundaries in life. This will make them feel secure and build the foundations for a stable adulthood.

The rebellion of the teenage years is sometimes the worst part of parenting and can seem like one long continuous argument.

It is very important to keep communication open at this stage more than any other time. This will help you through these difficult times.

Sometimes you may need a little counseling to help you through these tough times. Do not be afraid to ask, and remember it is a temporary stage.

If possible get support from other family members. Their experiences can often help you.

Once you are over this period you will be able to reap the rewards from your hard labor, as your kids will begin to look after you and lend you their support.

Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com

For more information on the parenting and how you can be a better parent, please visit: Parenting Skills & Tips

What Kind Of Parent Are You?

By: Douglas Hardwick

Psychological research has identified two broad dimensions of parental behavior that influence greatly the development of children and their personalities. These parental factors, first noted by Diana Baumrind, have been labeled responsiveness and demandingness.

The first dimension, responsiveness, includes the degree to which parents express affection toward their children along with the amount of attention they give to their children's needs. Thus, the responsiveness dimension is largely an estimate of parental "warmth".

The second dimension, demandingness, refers to the parents' use of rules and the degree to which they expect good behavior from their children. It is largely a "control" factor. How much do parents seek to control their children's behavior?

According to Diana Baumrind, the two dimensions of parental behavior described above combine to form four styles of parenting. Some parents are rated high on both warmth (the responsiveness dimension) and control (the demandingness dimension). These parents are called "authoritative" parents. A second group of parents is high on warmth but low on control. These parents are called "permissive" parents. A third group is rated low on warmth but high on control. These parents are called "authoritarian" parents. Finally, a relatively small group of parents is rated low on both warmth and control. These parents are called "uninvolved" parents. Each style of parenting is correlated with specific types of parental behaviors. And, each seems to have its own set of consequences for child development.

Authoritative parents are warm and accepting of their children. They love their children and they show it. While they show affection for their children, authoritative parents also value discipline. They set limits for their children and expect their children to follow family rules. Their disciplinary practices usually include a good deal of reasoning and explanation both for the rules they set and for any punishment they may use.

Permissive parents, like authoritative parents, are warm and affectionate toward their children. Indeed, they are likely to be very involved in their children's lives. However, because they often value creativity and self-expression in their children, permissive parents exert very little "control". They generally do not set standards of behavior for their children. They have very few, if any, family rules and often do not to enforce the rules they do set.

Authoritarian parents have a more detached approach than either authoritative or permissive parents. It is fair to say that they are not child-centered parents. They do not openly demonstrate warmth and affection toward their children. They do not encourage their children to develop independence. For authoritarian parents absolute obedience is a key value. Thus, they do not explain rules or punishments. They are simply the parents and they must be obeyed. Authoritarian parents often resort to harsh forms of punishment to control their children's behavior.

Uninvolved parents are simply indifferent toward their children. They do not show affection and make no real effort to monitor or control their children's behavior. In the extreme case, their parenting style shades into parental neglect.

The four styles of parenting have predictable consequences for children. In general, the best outcomes are associated with authoritative parenting. The children of authoritative parents tend to be the friendliest and most socially competent of all four groups of children. They tend to develop self-confidence, independence, a sense of responsibility, and good self-control. They tend to work up to their potential in school.

The children of permissive parents, in contrast, are not very achievement oriented. They are often viewed by adults as less mature than their age mates. They have lower impulse control and more difficulty handling everyday frustrations. Interestingly, children of permissive parents do not develop the independence and curiosity that their parents seem to value.

Like children of permissive parents, the children of authoritarian parents tend to lack initiative and self-reliance. They are often underachievers in school. From the preschool years on, these children also tend to have relatively poor social skills. They are likely to be anxious or withdrawn when they are around adults.

As you might expect, the worst developmental outcomes are associated with uninvolved parenting. Children of uninvolved parents tend to be unhappy, moody individuals. They are often socially incompetent and aggressive. In the teen years, they are at risk for delinquency and drug use.

What kind of parent are you? If you want to be an effective parent, the lessons from psychological research are simple and compelling. It is not enough to simply love your children. You must openly express your affection for them. At the same time, you must set rules for them and their behavior. Children need both love and limits. When one of these is missing, children experience less than optimal development.

Article Source: http://www.articlehighlight.com

Douglas Hardwick, Ph.D., has extensive interests in issues of holistic health and human development. He is a primary contributor to the information website: www.holisticwebworks.com - Holistic Health and Healing Resources